The Return to The Beginning

I thought to begin this electronic journal as a way to highlight my thoughts and processes, create an indelible record of my world and the random happenings that seem to pervade it. I had many titles - random, rogue and ill-considered one and all. But in the end it became a toss up between what you see above and the George Lucas copyrighted ""Yoda's toenails".

Now I love Yoda, and the various Star Wars related works of Lucasfilm, but the slightly obnoxious thought of having to log onto something titled after an 800 year old swamp dwellers foot fungus put me off. More's the pity.

I think what sparked the real desire to blog my thoughts was the cyclical nature of the world. I'm 27 years old and have recently broken up with my wife of just over 3 years. One to do things on emotional factors, I may be but hey, it didn't work out. People don't change, they just come to the realisation that they're different despite best efforts to the contrary - but she's a great, funny, pretty girl and I wish her well in life.

But I digress. To me this meant change and possibly some small measure of loneliness. The only change is the way my life at 27 appears to be my life at 16 lathered, rinsed and repeated again.

Credit crunches talk and I've left the ex with the house, while continuing to pay the mortgage until we can sell and evade negative equity. Hence I've found myself back at my parent's until I can scrape the cash for a houseshare, a flat, heck even a padded dustbin would do right now. I haven't been here since I upped sticks at 18 for Uni. It's fucked. I'm convinced my old man must have a shampoo dipstick, a copy of any DVD or CD I buy him for a present, and a pathological bitterness towards life. The fact that he's cockney makes it hilarious, but seriously those three things are just the tip of the iceberg.

I'm lucky enough to have some great friends come back out of the woodwork. Again, last Saturday on an all day session in Manchester - sitting there with 3 guys I'd known since I was 11, pissed, listening to Sepultura, Slayer and Metallica. I'd forgotten just how little we'd all changed in our attitudes to each other. I guess some things are for Christmas. Good buddies are for life.

My hair also appears to be doing a passable 16 year me impression. Heartbreak high was big in 1996. Maybe that sort of cut isn't so cool now. I'll shave it and rock the Jimmy Somerville look. Cap sleeved T's are my boys.

Weight as well appears to be mirroring the young Smith - 13.5 stone. Dead. If I was Scott Bakula and I've Quantum leaped back into myself and I'm the only one who's noticed then shit happens I guess. At least I'm not 18 stone as per 2005 anymore. But the gym, Marlboro Lights and green tea stops that.

"The more things change the more they stay the same". Indeed.